The most certain ever. The most chaotic ever. The most depressed ever. The most happy ever. All at the same time.
I don't know the future even though I know the most past ever. Seems to be a forever blur. How can this be?
People telling me not to express this so loudly. Not so publicly. Like muffling a baby's first cry at birth.
Finding an umbilical cord that leads to blurs. Names and faces on faded photographs. Some people are barely affected by it all.


All zest for life is gone. Like reading a book to end, no desire to read another word. Not for sadness but for completion.
No, no therapist. No medication needed to talk me out of reality or numb it. Can I ever focus again? On what?
Shhh... don't tell anyone.