RoderickE = Roderick Evermore

Out of consideration for all parties involved I can't reveal too much here yet but as many of my friends know; I was given up for adoption at birth. I was adopted at age 4. I've never had resentful feelings toward my birth parents. I'm a realist and often very analytical (I'm data analyst/programmer after all).

Well, after 50 yrs and off & on searching over the years; in June 2018 Indiana changed the law so that adoptees could file for information about their birth parents if either they consented or are deceased. On Friday Nov 2, 2018 (which is ironically the exact day I was adopted), in the mail arrived a letter with my original birth certificate and on it my birth mother's name.

Saturday I put my data mining skills to work and after determining that unfortunately my birth mother died in 2002 and that all of her siblings were also gone; thus appearing to have no other route to take, I found filed among her other documents, marriage documents of one of her sons.

I began to look for the son on Facebook, but due to the fact he would be 53, I figured it would be unlikely he would even have a FB account. So, I started sending FB messages to everyone that lives in my area with his same last name. I gently asked them if they were associated with my birth mother's name because we might be related.

Eventually an adult son of one of the brothers (by this time I had determined there were 2 brothers) responded that yes, in fact the name I gave him was his grandmother. I knew I now had located at least one of her sons. At this point I didn't even know if they were biologically related. (the last name was different than my mother's). Upon a little more gentle inquiry, the adult son had me call him. His voice was excited and he blurted out that his aunt (my sister) had been looking for me for awhile and was eager to talk with me. Yes! they are all biologically related to me.

The next 2-3 hours I spent on the phone with my long lost sister as she sweetly took me through her (our) life story, filling in the blanks and telling me about my 2 brothers as well...and a yet to be found second sister.

Now, here's where people should really pay attention :-)
Being a realist & analytical I've always figured if I ever found any of my birth family, it would be merely a polite matter-of-fact academic exercise of history. I've never been a believer in the old saying "blood is thicker than water". But the more I spoke with my sister and sensing in her our commonalities and even shared quirks though our life experiences should have shaped us much differently; I began to feel this overwhelming, inexplicable bond. I began to feel emotions that I could not analyze. So, I figured if I could get to see my sister and the one brother I'm so far in contact, that these emotions would subside (seeing them perhaps would relieve my fantastical imaginations & emotions)

My sister and brother graciously agreed to come meet me and my wife at my house on Sunday. First entered my brother; 3 years older than I. He stretched out his hand for a polite shake but even though I'm not normally a hugger, I shook his hand with one hand and hugged him with the other.

Then there was my little sister (yes she is younger than me and shorter -- woohoo! finally I'm not the runt :-) ) Her disarming smile matched her kind voice. I hugged her too.

For the next 3 hours we retold stories of our lives as my wife lovingly sat near by (she offered to not be present, but no way would I not want the woman I've been with since I was 16 to be a part of this momentous event)

My sister, my brother, my wife and I laughed and had a great time as if there had never been a 50yr separation. Even though they had related almost every answer to every question you are imagining; I didn't want them to leave. I wanted to be in their company even longer; perhaps to subconsciously make up for the last 50 years.

I've been struggling today with this overwhelming need and desire to be close to them. It feels obsessive almost creepy to me. But once again, after a talk with my smiley sister; she calmed me down. She's the youngest but apparently the wisest and the one everyone relies upon. It seems another role we share in common as I have always played that role in my adopted family.

Anyhow, I share this very, very, very personal moment so that perhaps it would help others reading it to understand that there is something going on that can't be explained. I have the same close bond with people who were yesterday strangers as I do with my wife and daughter and grandson(s). This too has caused a feeling of guilt. Relationships are supposed to happen over time but I feel a connection that is difficult to fathom or explain to someone who hasn't experienced it.

My wonderful wife has been lovingly supportive every step even though she is an only child. My daughter I think is genuinely interested and happy for me. I want to figure out how to make her a part of this. This is me. This is who I am. Somewhere under all of my calculated, logical, rationale mind is also a son and a brother that had this connection with my birth siblings even though I never knew I would.

Lastly, there was still guilt. While I've never been that close to my adopted-family siblings or parents; I have been close to my brother in my adopted family. I didn't realize it but I was avoiding talking to him directly about this major life change. I was relating it all to his wife. Finally, I had a discussion with him and told him he will always also be my little brother (even if he is 6'2" or to me 7'10").

Upon relating this to my birth sister, she once again culled me from the emotional abyss with the phrase; "A person can add more people to love. They don't exchange them for another" -- she said it more beautifully than I relate it.

Anyhow, thank you to all my family and friends whom I love and "add to" my love and my life.

STAND-BY while I reboot my life and this site.
Subscribe to RoderickE RSS