Cleaning up America


If I were elected president, on day one I'd call a news conference and with all the cameras rolling, I'd personally scrub the Oval Office down with Lysol. And then say,

"Today, we Americans shall literally and figuratively clean up our country. If you hate America as it was founded to be in 1776, perhaps you should consider self-deporting to a backwards socialist country of your choice. Today, I will create a new department that helps fund America-hating people's one way ticket out of this great nation."